World’s worst blogger is back!I don’t think I am the worst writer of blogs, but I must be near the bottom when it comes to timely updates.

The last update chronicled my visit to NYC. What followed?

Washington DC, then a jaunt to Hawaii, followed by a trip to Siberia.

I know blogs don’t need to be bout trips, but to not comment on a visit to the Altai mountains to catch an eclipse must be some kind of blog felony.

So, where was I?

Washington I like. It has a broad open feel to it due in no small part to the space and air of the Capital Mall. I got a tour of the Voice of America’s offices and a side trip to Baltimore where I got to go onto an WWII sub. The submarine corps was not for me. I don’t know how those boats cruised the high seas. They are not that big. I guess the one plus was in storm you could go down a hundred feet and wait. But man that duty took guts.

Arriving in DC brought one of those moments where you suddenly look out and know precisely where you are. I had been to the station before, in 2004, and upon arrival I was, if not home exactly, back in familiar territory. The Big Apple was, conversely, cold, strange, foreign and not a place I could ever live in. With the nephew working for WNYC though I plan to go back in spring. Stay tuned.

And have you ever been hit with claustrophobia? On board the jet set to wing me home from Baltimore I considered asking the stewardess to allow me to exit the aircraft the moment they closed the doors.

I was in serious pain. The new onset of at least one kidney stone was verfy ill-timed. The pain had begun the night before and was hitting a crescendoI just was not sure I could STAND the flight(s) home.

Luckily, I had adequate analgesia and after chewing down a pill I thought I could actually do it. I did, but I got home through significant misery. I swore never to try that stunt again. Should you ever ponder such an adventure my recommendation is DON’T.

Hawaii is a place I have a soft spot for. It helps that my grandpa was from Kauai and I still have cousins there. I don’t know them personally, but I know they are there. That distinctive island accent is one of ones I grew up with. They have to be as fine an archipelago as any on this blue planet. I’d been to Kauai, Oahu, Maui and the Big Island and had always had a hankering to visit Molokai to see the old Hawaii.

And THAT will be be the next installment.

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A buddie from high school came with me. I drove to Marin County and crashed on Michael’s couch for a early departure to Maui via Honolulu.

This was visit #6 if you count the two day stay in 1988 which coincided with the stock market crash. Which I do. Crash the stocks and you STILL have a great time just being in the Sandwich Islands. Well, nothing is guaranteed in this world, but if you don’t like Hawaii there is something wrong with YOU.

The Lonely Planet, as usual, gave excellent hints about where to go. In the first hour we hit the most beloved store on Maui, which, to my surprise stocked THE best kava kava I have ever had.

Sidebar: the Polynesians learned to grind up a pepper tree root centuries ago. It contains compounds that relax and are mildly intoxicating. And I do mean mildly. The first time I tried it I thought it did zero. It does though. It helps one unwind. It is safe and is the only herbal product I find useful. I’ve recommended it to patients and gotten good feedback.

A couple I know told a native guy in Vanuatu that they were unimpressed with the kava they were ceremonially served upon arrival. As he was a “king” he instructed minions to serve these guys up “kings kava” from a 100 year old tree.

Shawn swore that his stroll up from the beach after imbibing felt like a rock scramble in Yosemite. As an anesthesiologist he was qualified to judge its effects. He was stunned.

Now the Maui kind was nothing of the sort. It was same mild stuff you can get in the coop in Sacramento, Davis, or Kentfield. It was much more palatable, however thanks to some some Island flavors blended in. I wish I’d bought more.

The West side of the Island was literally unrecognizable. I took the folks there once but could NOT for the life of me locate where we had stayed.The whole lay of the land was altered by a giant new posh development catering to the exclusive sort of clientèle who want to hang out in places that are exclusive.

So, for the sake of these assholes developers have bought up breathtakingly beautiful stretches of beach and shoved high rises up into the sky with fistfuls of stores selling the same crap these jackasses could, and should be buying in Manhatten and Beverly Hills. Not that I hate their guts or anything.

Luckily the water is still nice even if the sea life appears to have taken a huge hit.

For better snorkeling we drove north in day two to encounter a couple of native sons sitting in lounge chairs at roadside holding up greenish material.

“Is that the famous Maui Wowie?” I asked the dudes.

├óΓé¼┼ôDis stuff is a Maiu Owie├óΓé¼┬¥ replied the larger of the two large men, adding ├óΓé¼┼ôYou smoke dis shit…. you gonna hurt yo’self.├óΓé¼┬¥

We had to laugh. And to be friendly my wing man contributed to the local economy. He enjoys the stuff and informed me that it was of decidedly inferior quality to that which he has grown accustomed to in Marin.

I deferred to his expertise.

The snorkeling that followed was good. Very good in fact, though I have seen better. That is not a complaint, however.

A complaint would be as follows. I wanted poi. My portagee grandmother used to have taro root every so often. It was OK, but I really like the pounded stuff. The taro equivalent of mashed potatos. At luaus in previous trips I ate a lot of it.

My inquiries as to where I might be found went nowhere. Costco had it on alternate mornings I was told. But the restaurant called fish and poi seemed a slam dunk. As we were led to our tables I asked; ├óΓé¼┼ôYou DO have poi, right?├óΓé¼┬¥ I did not expect the ├óΓé¼┼ôNo sir we don’t reply├óΓé¼┬¥ from the seater nor the confirmation from the waiter that they took it off the menu because nobody ordered it.

I was stifling my replies till he added scornfully; “Have you ever tried it?”

├óΓé¼┼ôYes├óΓé¼┬¥ I replied, ├óΓé¼┼ôI like it. Its why I came to this restaurant NAMED ‘Fish and Poi’ which is your name after all├óΓé¼┬¥ He said he was sorry, but they had not been able to get a sign painter so they could CHANGE the name.

Michael suggested that even if that WAS lame it never pays to give a waiter any sort of hard time.

├óΓé¼┼ôI know├óΓé¼┬¥ I said, ├óΓé¼┼ôbut the numbskull asked me if I’d ever tried it ├óΓé¼ΓÇ£ like I’m the idiot who imagined he could get a foot the restaurant is NAMED after.├óΓé¼┬¥

He agreed that was bogus and the food that followed was weak. Pounded taro root would have spruced it up considerable.

On day 3 we struck for the summit of Haleakala an adventure to follow in the next installment…

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As you may or may not know the Hawaiian island chain has formed over 80 million years or so from a long lasting, mysterious “hot spot” under the ocean. This plume of magma has been upwelling since the time of the dinosaurs and created not just the current crop of what we think of as the Hawaiian Islands but the chain of old worn down rocks that stretch thousands of miles to the northeast.

The Pacific Plate has moved northwest relative to the hot spot something deduced as certain only in the past half century.

The Big Island is now over the molten plume but a few million years ago it was Maui that was built up from lava piled upon the sea floor. And the top of the mountain, at 10,000 feet is still a stunner.

I read that the drive to the top is the most abrupt ascent anywhere in the world. I suspect that is not hype. And it is well worth doing.

On a prior trip I arose early enough to catch the sunrise from the top. It was worth doing but I don’t think I saw the kind of spectacle that amazed Mark Twain. Even spectacular natural sights have their good days and not-so-good.

Michael split the driving with me. I even let him remain behind the wheel after he puffed away on some local vegetation. In my experience the stoned driver is very unlikely to cause you grief. He or she tends to be hyper-careful in vivid contrast to the drunk. Most of the experience which led me to this generalization is decades old but I could see that it still held up in 2008. He managed fine.

We jogged down for 45 minutes to a lookout point then jogged back up at a much-reduced pace to explore numerous spots to see in the general area. The view of Hawaii to the south was terrific. Mouna Loa and Mouna Kea are a half mile taller still and look magnificent.

If you go to Maui you must do this.

That night there was a festival of canoes from all over the Islands. A couple were even from Tahiti I think. We strolled around in Lahaina and… well you just can’t have too bad a time with macadamia nut snacks and fresh fish.

The taro question as in poi was shown to really be, at least in part, due to a shortage on Kauai. It seemed the crop was reduced by drought thus making he formerly ubiquitous taro chips snacks rare. Like poi they were tough to find. Unlike poi we did finally find some – locally made.

And while I’m talking food… I would note that sugar, even that which sweetens soft drinks, should be fricking sugar, not the vile tasting high-fructose corn syrup. Drink a soft drink in Hawaii and you’ll remember why you used to like such drinks.

And y’know I have to take a break and go get some Hawaiian barbeque right now ├óΓé¼ΓÇ£ complete with soft drinks.

Be right back.

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Where was I? On Maui?

As good as Maui is, and I am not sure there IS a bad Hawaiian Island (if you don’t count former bombing range Kahoolawe, left a mess of unexploded ordinance by the Pentagon) its commercialism left us hankering for the old Hawaii and Molokai was the place that has elected to remain decades ├óΓé¼┼ôbehind├óΓé¼┬¥ the rest of the place.

The ferry was fun. Michael drank some beer and sat with some serenading locals who pounded out Hawaiian hits. Even from afar you could see that Molokai was virtually devoid of development.

After the Miami Beach nuttiness of the West of Maui this WAS a trip back in time. Our rental car was at the airport and the shuttle man was there to greet us.

Driving west we found the deep darkness unpunctuated by electric lighting to reveal a stunning starry sky. The Southern Cross was plain as day and the heavens just erupted with stars. We pulled over and scanned the heavens for a quarter hour.

Our resort was on the west end and we missed the turnout giving a detour into the development of Mauna Loa which was being shut down. It was eerie seeing hotels that were being put on ice and a theater that was now closed. Turns out it was the only cinema on the island.

Navigating was aided by the stars and looking down from the hill we could guess where the hotel was. We guessed correctly but found the sinage pretty limited and directions too.

A phone call got us right soon enough and we were in for the night.

In the day we could see that MUCH of the hotel complex was being boarded up. Beautiful location, but some squabbling over water and development had led to a golf course that was drying out and restaurants that were closed. The golf I couldn’t care less about but Molokai is famous for having few places to eat. That hurt.

We hiked about and swam a good deal.

The high point of the trip was a LONG swim outside some rocks where I felt as though I might swim to Oahu. Of course given the strong current may fear they’ll have to. The moist air, balmy water and stunning scenery made for a world class afternoon on our final day. Of course I’m leaving out the trip to the famed leper colony.

On the next-to-last day we hiked down the hillside (having paid for the right to visit) to get a tour of the notorious colony.

Leprosy is considered one of the LEAST infectious of infectious diseases. Most people probably could not get it at all. Some immune deficiency is involved. But after it arrived from Asia some people DID get it and given that it was not controllable until sulfa antibiotics arrived on the scene.

World’s worst blogger is back!